Monday December 26, 2011
I woke up today with anticipation. Today was the day I would travel out of the Kathmandu valley to Dhading Besi in search of my birth family. I prayed that this whole experience, whether I did or did not meet family, would be whatever the Lord willed. But after climbing into a small taxi with my parents and our friend/translator, and traveling on the windy roads through the hills, I was having doubts. “Here I am ‘dragging’ my family and our friend on this crazy road trip, taking their time for a slim chance of finding my birth family”. As we sat in a traffic jam on a hill, due to all the tour buses and freighter trucks slowly driving up the opposite side of the hill, I honestly wondered if we would ever get to the village at all! Finally, after three, almost four hours, our taxi made its way into Dhading Bazaar, and my heart sank. The “village” which I was expecting to see was a decent sized town. With many shops, and people, I wondered how we would EVER meet anyone who knew of my birth family. Little did I know that the Lord had an amazing blessing in store for me.While driving through the main street of Dhading, I instinctively scrutinized the faces of the people passing by us “hoping” rather futilely that I would see someone who looked like me. It was a silly thing to do but I couldn’t help it.
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| The main street of Dhading Besi |
Having arranged to meet a friend who works with the United Mission to Nepal in Dhading, we called him up to discuss where we should meet for a lunch of dal bhat (the traditional rice and lentil meal.)
After finding a spot to park near the hospital, we proceeded to meet up with our friend. Knowing the local restaurants, our friend showed us two before finding one that would serve us bhat, though we had to wait a half hour before it would be ready.During this time we decided to come up with an idea of where to inquire about my birth family. Having only a hospital record sheet with the name and town address of my birth father, Ram Bahadur (a common Nepali name) we decided to start at the local hospital. Having previously seen the outside of the hospital and its conditions, I dreaded having to go there. Just then, our friend/translator had an idea. “Why don’t I ask a few of the older men sitting outside their shops, if they have lived in Dhading for twenty or more years?” She proceeded to ask the first man she saw; he had not lived in Dhading for that long. The second group of men she asked had, and when she asked them if they knew of a Ram Bahadur one man said, “No, but I know someone who does.” He then summoned another man from his shop who did indeed know my birth father. When this man came, we inquired about his relationship to Ram Bahadur Pariyar. This man answered the questions that fit the circumstances of my birth mother; that of being taken to Kathmandu due to illness, giving birth to a girl, and dying due to jaundice. It turned out that this person was my maternal grandfather’s brother’s son. Having heard this, (translated into English by our friend) I was shocked! This man claimed to be a relative! We did not tell him who I but arranged to meet him after our lunch. Still a bit shell-shocked that only after two inquires, we had found a relative, I stumbled into the restaurant to tell Mom. She was surprised to see us (having left only fifteen minutes earlier) and when I told her, we met one of my possible relatives, she thought I was joking.
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| The first relative I met with our friend/translator |
But no, this was not a joke, though I was having a hard time believing that what just took place was reality. Somehow, I managed to eat some of my food, and after our lunch we went to find the man who said he was one of my relatives. As he escorted us down the road, he told us more of my birth family’s details, and he made several calls on his cell phone. To confirm that he was who he claimed to be, we asked him how old my birth mother was when she died. We knew this, because it was on the hospital record, and he answered that she was twenty-two, which was correct.We then came to a tailor shop, which is the caste trade of my family. My uncle introduced his father (my great-uncle) who owned the shop as well as two of my “real” uncles, and a cousin. At this point, I realized this really was my birth family and was drawn to tears because God had made the seemingly impossible, possible. One of my uncles became quite emotional as well, and I realized what this might mean to him. I am close to the age my mother was when she passed away, and having me show up must have been like my mother showing up.
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| L to R: My great uncle, cousin, me, my great uncle's son, my real uncle, my aunt's husband, and another uncle |
Another uncle told us that he was going to get a photo of my birth mother and father. This was quite unexpected, because I never thought I would see a picture of my birth parents.
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| My birth father and birth mother |
Then people started gathering: relatives, friends, and neighboring shop keepers. The word was out that I, the newly "found" relative, was here to find her family! People crowded around me taking pictures with their cell phones (almost everybody had one) and chattering about how much I looked like my mother.
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| Family, neighbors, and bystanders coming to see me, the newly "found" relative |
One of my cousins was also named Jyoti, and once she knew my name, she couldn’t stop smiling. Another one of my cousins, Dipa spoke some English, so it was nice to be able to communicate with her. We learned that my birth mother was the youngest of 7 siblings; there are five brothers and two sisters, all living, but only two uncles lived in that town. There were a number of other relatives that we met who helped us put a family tree together to get the relationships straight. There were many pictures taken, of every combination.
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| My cousin Dipa and me |
Another amazing thing I learned was that I had three siblings, two brothers and one sister all who live in Kathmandu. Visan, my eldest brother is 24, Kisan the younger brother is 22, and my sister Khusbu is 21. Upon learning this, in awe. Never in my life had I ever contemplated having birth siblings, and upon learning that I had three, was quite a surprise! After my birth mother passed away, my birth father returned to Dhading and took my two brothers with him, leaving my sister with relatives in the village. Finally, having to leave, so we could get back to Kathmandu at a decent time we were escorted by the many relatives to our taxi.
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| Members of my maternal birth family in Dhading |
Driving away, I tried to make sense of all that took place, still shocked by the discovery of having so relatives as well as siblings. Then the borrowed cell phone started ringing. Like myself, our translator was pretty tired from the day’s excitement, but she graciously answered call after call. My sister’s sister-in-law (who could speak English) called and wanted me to go to their house that night! But we were all so emotionally drained, so we arranged to meet my sister and family the next day. Then one of the uncles had called my brothers, and they wanted to see me as well. Our translator told them that they could meet us at my sister’s the next day. My brothers called again insisting that they must have at least a “glimpse” of me before the next day. We arranged to meet at Kalanki, the intersection to Ring Road. We gave them our taxi’s license plate number and told them we it would be a few hours before we got to the intersection. As it grew dark, I wondered how we would connect with my brothers. At one point our taxi driver pulled onto the dirt shoulder hoping to cut the line of jammed traffic. While we were stopped at the edge of the road, two young men up ahead of us were peering at the taxis.When then realized it was my brothers, our driver flicked his lights to indicate that we were who they were looking for. I’ll never forget that night, when I saw my brothers’ faces for the first time! I looked into the familiar dark eyes of two, very handsome looking young men. I had not expected them to look so young! And there was a resemblance: eyes, noses, mouths, ears, I felt so rude by staring, but I couldn’t help it. These were my brothers! They seemed very nice, and talked very respectively to our translator. They asked for our sister’s number, since they hadn’t seen her in twenty years.We said good bye to them, telling them we hoped to see them at our sister’s the next day.Ten minutes after our taxi started slowly moving along the heavily trafficked road. My brothers came running up to the car again, having to show me a picture of my birth father! All I remembered from that initial photo was my father’s long, grey, beard which scared me a little. My brothers also called up my father and wanted me to talk to him. All I knew how to say was “hello, Father” so our translator talked with him instead. He said he was not able to meet us as he lived two hours north of Dhading. Finally, leaving my brothers, we traveled to our guest house.
How do I explain what happened today? Only that God is the God of the amazing, and when we pray for miracles and for Him to have a hand in things, we shouldn’t be surprised when the surprising and miraculous happens. With God ALL things are possible!
To be continued…